The bedroom was nearly barren, nothing but brown carpet and white walls, with a single night stand. Peepsite didn't care as he lay in bed, settling down into the indent his large body had formed in the mattress over the years. He slipped his headphones on and they instantly filled his head with synthesizer music he'd fished out of some dollar bin at K-Mart. He smiled back at the Panasonic Girl staring at him from atop his cassette player. She was his "guardian angel"--she was the only woman, other than his mother, he really knew. She came from the cardboard backing that packaged his headphones and was as flat as his life.

It was because of a real girl, Wendy, that Peepsite had finally left school. She wasn't the only reason, just the last straw. It was Peepsite's sophomore year of high school. He was much bigger than all of his classmates, but that would have been true even if he hadn't been held back. By junior high, everyone had realized it best to just leave him alone, lest they end up a bloody mess like Danny had that one fateful day in fifth grade. Peepsite generally disliked his classmates, never forgetting the treatment he'd received all through school, and was mostly happy to be left to himself.

Still, he wasn't immune to the effects of loneliness. He was always envious of the guys he passed in the hallway, holding hands with their girlfriends, or guys getting love notes from girls in class. Sometimes he would see couples he knew from school just out at the movies having a good time, while he sat alone in the back, twitching in the flickering dark. Peepsite was a romantic, he might as well have been the Elephant Man.

He resigned himself to the fact he would be alone forever, unable to see a way anyone would change their attitude toward him. Thirteen years of school had conditioned everyone's attitude toward him. But he always held out hope when a new girl came to town.

Wendy's father was in the ARMY and she had lived all over the place--some places Peepsite had only dreamt of, others he'd never even heard of. She was a cute, thin girl with curly, mid-length blonde hair, large blue eyes, a constant aura of strawberry scent and a body that made good use of all three dimensions. Peepsite first saw her in history class. He was alone in the room and heard someone come in. When he turned to see who it was, she was sitting down on the other side of the room. She looked up and held his gaze for a moment and smiled, "Hi!"

"Hi," Peepsite said quietly, as his face contorted.

She smiled, but didn't laugh.

Peepsite grinned and nodded. He felt his face turning red, heating up. A conversation had never before started that well for him and he didn't know what to do next. He turned and looked down at his notebook until Mr. Pearson arrived and started class.

As it turned out, they had a few classes together. Though, Wendy had made friends with several other girls, she never treated Peepsite as badly as they did. Peepsite took this to mean she liked him, not just liked him, but liked him. He dreamed of sitting with her at the movies, holding hands, smiling. Or they would go to McDonalds and sit alone in a booth, their surroundings melting away around them--all that would exist would be him and her and nothing would be able to tear them apart.

One afternoon, Wendy asked him if he was going to the upcoming dance.

Peepsite remembered the last dance he'd been to. He had just stood there awkwardly, as though some sort of invisible shield made it impossible for anyone to come within twenty feet.

"No," he replied.

After dinner, he laid in bed cursing himself for not going. She was asking me to the dance! He thought, electronic Bach playing loudly on his cassette deck. Wendy consumed his mind as the hour grew late. He thought of her at home, laying in bed thinking of him at that same moment. What would he say to her tomorrow? He planned and re-planned, taking Wendy with him into his dreams, only to be interrupted by a pounding on the door, "Peepsite, turn that damn noise down! Some of us have to work around here!"

Peepsite walked the hallway to his locker the next morning, smiling brightly. Some of the other kids looked at him curiously. Others even greeted him. A group of Wendy's friends passed him, giggling. For once, he didn't think they were laughing at him. For once, he was wrong.

A few moments later, Wendy passed him in the hallway, holding hands with one of the football players. She didn't even notice Peepsite, as she giggled and chatted with her new boyfriend. The world seemed to darken a bit. Peepsite trudged through the rest of the day and was relieved when the final hour arrived.

He sat in his usual place, across from Wendy, in art class.

"You're awfully quiet today," she grinned.

"Oh."

"Is it because of Jeff?" her grin widened.

Peepsite's muscles tightened. His face contorted.

Wendy laughed, "You are so weird! Why do you do that?"

Peepsite raised an enormous pale fist and brought it down on the drawing table. The room instantly became silent and Peepsite rushed out to the hallway. A group of seniors, all wearing gym clothes, were out in the hallway pushing a smaller blonde boy back and forth between them. Peepsite recognized the blonde boy, but didn't really know him well. Everyone said he was gay.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Peepsite boomed.

"Why don't you mind your own business, retard?" One of the bigger boys replied.

Without a pause, Peepsite marched up to him and grabbed his shirt. He threw the senior against the lockers and drove his fist into his face, easily breaking his nose. The other kids scattered in all directions and Peepsite continued to pound on his unconscious prey until two coaches and the principal pulled him away.

Peepsite had lost all control, yelling "Fucker!" and twitching as they dragged him down the hall.

He was suspended for a month for the incident, and would probably be held back again. Peepsite decided he'd had enough, and never returned.

Posted by Warren Mann at 1:47 AM

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