The Devil Monkey - January 21, 2007

I'd like to use this entry to thank everyone who has read this story, especially those who've read it from front to back. It's thrilling to have written something that people actually liked well enough to take the time to read. I've read every single comment and appreciate all of them. I've learned a lot writing this story. I hope I can improve more.

This isn't the end of devilmonkey.net. It's just the end of this story, tentatively titled "White Dwarf"--after the last chapter. Rudius is currently working on getting this etched into dead-tree form and I imagine there will be some times when I'm busy with that. As such, I'm taking a short (one or two weeks) sabbatical before resuming posting to devilmonkey.net.

I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do with it next. I have another story in the back of my mind I'd like to write, but don't know if I want to do it for free, to be blunt. I may use it as a journal. I don't know. Whatever the case, I'll do my best to keep it interesting.

Now that I've addressed the end--or lack thereof--of devilmonkey.net, I want to address the beginning. Several people have wondered where the hell "devilmonkey" came from. Now you will know.

* * *

Travis made his hand into the shape of a gun, lifted it slightly and then flicked it, as though he were trying to dislodge something thick and salty from his finger. He angled his head to the left, looking to the right, then made a rushing sound. "There ain't no fuckin' monkey up there." He sounded convinced, but the increase in his Tourette's tics betrayed his subconscious fears.

The corrugated rusted tin of the rabbit shed was blown up by another gust of wind and flapped back and forth against the wooden frame. The sound was similar in pattern to a cat running through the room - tah-dhum, tah-dhum, tah-dhum.

"There it is again! He's getting pissed, Travis!"

"Man, fuck that monkey! Tttt-tttt!"

"You don't fuck the Devil Monkey, Travis. He fucks you!" A bolt of lightening and then a rumble of thunder deep to the North seemed to underscore my point.

"Shut up, fucker! Schwwwwaaaaaa!"

More rattles echoed from the rabbit shed, causing my back to crawl. I was freaking myself out now. Not that it was terribly difficult. The sound coming from my cousin's rabbit shed did have the rhythm of a living thing. All one needed to complete the effect was a highly suggestible state of mind-- and that's exactly what Bunt's weed and Travis' Tourette's-- were providing.

Bunt was Travis' 60-year-old dad. He grew his own pot in his tomato garden out back. I'm not sure what he did to it, but to this day, it's the best weed I have ever smoked. It was downright hallucinogenic. Bunt himself was crazy as a loon. I wasn't certain if it was his own Tourette's affliction or the decades of drug use that were the cause. Bunt claimed his grandmother had turned him on to smoking grass when he was nine years old. But you had to take everything he said with a grain of salt.

Another bolt of lightening and the thunder was growing louder. The tin roof was wild with simian mischief. I turned to my younger cousin, Pete, "What the fuck was that thing?"

It was an unanswerable question that we had asked each other for the past two years.

"Fuck..." He shook his head and shivered mildly.

You see, the Devil Monkey wasn't just the product of a stoned mind looking for cheap entertainment at Travis' expense. It was a legend-- a real, live creature that terrorized the small community where Pete and Travis lived. Well, it terrorized Pete and me at least. Everyone else remained blissfully ignorant, choosing to hide behind their unsubstantiated skepticism.

It had been a pleasant spring evening. Pete had stolen some pot from his sister and we went down the driveway to smoke it under the willow tree. Pete had built a pipe out of several plastic bottles he had taped together, with a piece of foil as a bowl. It was an incredibly effective device. The pot itself was somewhat curious-- it was a deep brown color and soggy.

I was somewhat concerned. Knowing Crystal, that "pot" could be just about anything. "That looks kinda weird," I pointed out, as Pete filled the bowl.

Pete shrugged and lit the mound, inhaling deeply. He had made the decision for both of us. No matter what it was, I wasn't going to let him do it alone. He passed the pipe to me and I inhaled, somewhat carefully. It had a strange chemical taste but, like whiskey shots, the hits became easier and easier to take.

Eventually, I grew aware of feeling somewhat numb.

"What the fuck is in that?" I burst out laughing.

"I don't know!" Pete burst out laughing.

Within seconds, we were sitting out under the willow tree, our arms around each other laughing without restraint.

"Shhh-shhh-shhh!" Pete managed to choke out, "we're gonna wake up mom and dad!"

We both collapsed, laughing even harder.

I laughed so hard and so long that my entire body hurt. My eyes were filled with tears and for several moments, I hallucinated I was nothing more than a pair of lungs connected to a windpipe. Some deeply-buried chunk of lucidity in my head managed to squeeze out a thought, "We'd better go somewhere!"

Though not particularly well articulated, my point was we were in serious danger of waking up my Aunt and Uncle. We had to get out of there fast. It was an almost impossible task. Any time one of us uttered the most innocuous sentence, we'd both laugh even harder than before. We were laughing so hard we physically could do nothing else. After what seemed like hours, we managed to get control of ourselves long enough to stand up. We were both somewhat wobbly as we started off down the pavement, having decided to walk around the block a few times.

We made our way up the hill that was the first leg of our journey, chattering about things I'll never remember. The road was lined with street lights and in the darkness of midnight, the whole scene had a somewhat surreal look to it. It reminded me of looking into an Easter egg diorama. As we turned left, something flitted across the road. We both laughed hysterically.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked Pete.

"I don't know!"

"Did you see it?"

"Yeah!"

We both laughed harder at our own ignorance as we crossed the path of the shadowy figure. We looked around us and saw nothing. Deciding it must be a squirrel or something, we continued our walk without much more thought on the subject.

As we made our way down the other side of the block and approached Pete's house again, we once again started laughing uncontrollably. We decided it would be best if we continued walking until we could get some sort of control over ourselves.

We walked past the house and back up the hill and made the left turn again. Again, the shadowy figure scuttled across the road-- it came from the same side of the street as before and the same location. In fact, we were at the same location as before. This time we both stopped, almost in shock.

"What the fuck?!" I asked.

"It looked like a monkey!"

A chill went up my spine, as I had thought the same thing before he even said it. The way it crossed the road, the shape, everything reminded me of a short scene in Forbidden Planet when a monkey tries to steal some fruit from the table and "Robby the Robot" blasts it with an energy bolt. The way that monkey sort of limped off was what this "monkey" was doing when it crossed the street.

"... a Devil Monkey," I observed.

"I almost don't wanna go up there," Pete said.

"Wait, let's go back a bit and then come back this way and see if it happens again."

We went back down the hill and then walked back up and made the left turn. No Devil Monkey.

"That's weird. Come on..." I pulled Pete along up the hill.

We walked carefully, almost tiptoeing along, watching each side carefully to see if we could make out what kind of horrific creature was toying with us. We saw nothing. This time, the Devil Monkey sobered us up enough that we made it down the hill and past the house without laughing. We decided to make one more round to see if that thing would show up again.

Sure enough, just as we made the left turn and again, from the right side of the road the Devil Monkey limped across. Pete and I turned and ran back to the house.

The next morning Pete confessed his theft to Crystal and we told her of the Devil Monkey. She laughed, informing us we had just hallucinated the whole thing-- the pot had been laced with angel dust. Pete and I have never been convinced. How could we both have the same hallucination? I have no doubt we both saw the exact same thing. Maybe it was a cat or squirrel that just looked strange in the angel dusted night... but why did it always cross from right to left, in the exact same spot on the road, after we had reached the exact same spot in the road? And the manner in which it crossed was always the same too, like some kind of goddamn glitch in the Matrix.

To this day, the Devil Monkey-- in addition to being the name of a few pets-- serves as the explanation for things that have no explanation. It is the thing on the wing of a plane that crashed for no reason. It is the thing that takes one of your socks from the dryer. It is the reason Planck's constant is 6.626068 x 10^-34 m² kg/s.

I guess it makes as much sense as blaming it all on God.

Posted by DevilMonkey at 7:14 PM

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Comments

You don't have to thank us for reading it, DM. We have to thank you for writing it.

I'm curious to see what will come of this site now. I'll check back soon and see what you've done with it.

Cheers.

Posted by: Chizzer at January 21, 2007 09:01 PM

even if you do start charging, i personally will go out and but a copy of anything you publish. so did you choose to name the site "devilmonkey" because the reason for your relationship with tracy ending turned out to be something that you didnt have any control over?

Posted by: joe at January 21, 2007 09:51 PM

DM, count me in as one who will gladly pay for your writing. I've said it before and will say it again, you've renewed my interest in reading. I'll be back often to see what's new.

Posted by: JBS at January 21, 2007 09:52 PM

Yes, I would buy your books.

Posted by: Christi Lee at January 21, 2007 10:18 PM

watermellon

Posted by: Joe at January 21, 2007 11:02 PM

DM, do you read any other Rudius Media?

Posted by: craig at January 22, 2007 12:04 AM

I agree with Chizzer above. Thanks for the past entries, and this one. Very interesting. It's 'lightning', by the way.

Posted by: NiteShok at January 22, 2007 01:35 AM

I understand "White Dwarf" given my reading of the story, but that title really evokes nothing of the essence of your storytelling... Is there gonna be a colon subtitle after it? :p

Posted by: Stray cat at January 22, 2007 01:42 AM

What name will the dead trees be written under?

Posted by: mjd at January 22, 2007 02:32 AM

You said it was a "story", though. Are you just saying that because you presented it in a narrative fashion, or did you make the lot of it up?

Posted by: Ihmhi at January 22, 2007 06:52 AM

Thank you so much for your story. I related in tons of ways - from the first time I heard Nirvana (record of the month club / sub pop, eh) to the feeling of watching a loved one disintegrate from alcohol abuse (now ex-wife, my deceased mother). This site has been alternately hilarious and terrifying, and has raised, in my opinion, the bar for "this was my life" stories on the web.

Thank you again, and I look forward to seeing what you do next.

Posted by: jeremy at January 22, 2007 08:45 AM

Ah I missed Travis and the random drug use that seemed to come with his presence.

Please keep writing. Whether it's free or I'll have to shell out a few books, I'll keep reading.

Posted by: actappalled at January 22, 2007 10:18 AM

I swear I still love drug stories the best -- you manage to put into words so many indescribable things that happen on dope, especially hallucogenics. I found myself laughing throughout the whole story, like that weird laughter where you can't remember what's funny.

I will miss you, but look forward to your book. I would pay for these stories in a minute.

Posted by: waitress13 at January 22, 2007 12:17 PM

Gimme more! Of whatever you write. I'll pay! Really, you have lots of talent. Can't wait for your next story, or book, or whatever. For the love of God, keep writing!!

Posted by: nameless at January 22, 2007 12:18 PM

Awesome entry. Even if you turn this site into a journal of sorts then I think everyone or at least, most everyone would remain loyal to reading whatever you happen to write. You truly are a great narrator of life. You should definitely be getting paid for the things you write and don't stop until you get to that point. Enjoy your time away. Next time...

Posted by: Wayland at January 22, 2007 01:41 PM

Honestly, even if you put out this exact blog in book form, with no changes, I'd buy it anyway to say thanks.

Your entries have made me laugh and come close to tears, so keep on keepin' on.

Posted by: Daniel at January 22, 2007 07:37 PM

Ive read this blog "cover to cover", and either Im part of an extreamly narrow niche, or your work is more interesting then anything Ive read in years. I know publishers can be a pain but if you can get published with any sort of press, any means to expose your writting to a lot of people, I have a feeling your book(s) will do extreamly well. Best of luck to you.

Posted by: Jay at January 22, 2007 07:58 PM

Well if you write another story for 'free' you'll still get the ad revenue from the site. This site hasn't hit it's peak yet popularity wise. Look at Tucker, he's making ever increasing amounts of $$$ now on stuff he wrote years ago. Putting your next story up here could potentially make you more than an obscure book release if you work out the logistics right.

Sorry if you don't want to hear that capitalistic stuff and there are other factors to consider, just wanted to throw that out there.

Posted by: Chris at January 22, 2007 09:10 PM

I have read this story from beginning to end, eagerly awaiting each entry - an addiction in it's own right.
I can't wait for the next story and would pay for your writings - thank you for putting in the effort.

Posted by: JC at January 23, 2007 02:32 AM

I will definitley purchase any book you publish. I will also keep coming back to read whatever it is you post here next.
Thanks so much for everything.

Posted by: Cindy at January 23, 2007 11:42 AM

Yepp, i've actualy provided a real email in this post and would deffinately spend money on anything you publish. It is that good.

ps: i read your story front to back and I know it has been said, but, thank you for writing it.

Posted by: Nikita at January 23, 2007 01:03 PM

just click on the ads, it helps everyone.

Posted by: dm at January 23, 2007 03:15 PM

I just clicked every link I could find on the side. Does that help?

Posted by: Wayland at January 23, 2007 07:06 PM

Hey, I've been reading this for a month or so now. I'd never commented before because I'd always felt other people had really already said everything I wanted to say, but now that it might be all over, I just want to thank DM for the most amazingly written, emotional, interesting and addictive life stories I have ever read. This is the only blog or regularly updated whatever this is that I have enjoyed so much I have come back to nearly every day to check it.

If you do ever publish anything, please mention on this site so all your fans out here in internet world can go out and find it.

Posted by: Tom at January 24, 2007 06:34 AM

Just a thought, I'd love to see you post old photos of the people you've written about in the stories if you have any.

I realise there might be privacy concerns, but if it could happen, it'd be great to see them.

dm: i have a bunch of pictures, but i can't really do that. the ones i can show are on my myspace page: search for devilmonkey - it's the first result.

Posted by: jk at January 25, 2007 12:35 AM

Come on man, what do we have to do for an update around here?

Posted by: me at February 8, 2007 08:13 AM

Where are you, Mr. Monkey? We miss you.

Posted by: Joey at February 11, 2007 08:54 PM

Leave him alone...he's on vacation in the Bahamas with his lil' mama.

Posted by: Wayland at February 11, 2007 10:13 PM

Awesome site. I found this site at two in the morning and I didn't go to bed until I read it all. I love stumbling upon a gem like this written by someone who has led a similar life to my own.

Posted by: Brandon at February 18, 2007 03:28 PM

I just wanted to say that I've been missing your work since you finished; your thoughts were always eloquent without throwing away your basic humanity. Wherever you go from this, I feel that you'll be doing a service to the writing community, especially those that write about their own lives. Thanks.

Posted by: Soma at February 19, 2007 03:02 PM

I just read your entire story today at work. I'm not sure if it's the story, or your writing style, or the need to know what happened next, but it gave me tunnel vision while I was reading it, which has never happened before.

At least now I can blame it on Devil Monkey. Good work mate.

Posted by: Clips at February 20, 2007 10:11 PM