Kansas City International Airport was a major employer in the Kansas City area. Not only was there a TWA headquarters here, but also the overhaul base. The airport itself needed employees for its various restaurants and gift shops, not to mention bus drivers, luggage handlers and security guards. There were also jobs at the several hotels that profited from their proximity to the airport.
I was a favorite among the airport employees during my brief stint at the gift shop. Anyone I recognized was free to come in and take whatever knick-knacks they wanted. The gift shop was also kind enough to supply me with complimentary cigarettes, candy and magazines. Sometimes, I made extra money by selling the outrageously overpriced gift shirts without ringing them up and then pocketing the money. My friends benefited from the gift shop's generosity, as the extra cash paid for an endless flow of drugs, electronics and food.
When I took Travis out to apply for jobs, the airport was the first place we stopped. As luck would have it, he was hired as a security guard. He quit after two weeks, claiming the pressure was too much for him, "I can't handle the responsibility, Darren. What if something happened to one of those planes and it was my fault?" Of course, his other concern was that he wouldn't be able to lay around the house eating thinly sliced bread stuffed with two-pound bricks of cheese and covered with mustard. Being a slacker myself, I couldn't really blame him.
It occurred to me that Travis would probably make an ideal security guard, though, with his conscience. Other airport employees were far more questionable.
It was late February and spring was fast approaching. I had been making lucrative profits at the station selling weed to go along with all the LSD Josh was moving. Ted was becoming more and more irate, as each day more legitimate customers would complain about the blatant drug traffic overwhelming the station on the night shift. Of course, Daryl and Daryl remained silent about the whole affair, limiting his reactions to a few random disapproving shakes of his empty head.
One day, Ted called a company meeting. Josh and I knew it was going to be about the drug problem. We stood next to each other, in front of the safe, while Ted stood at the desk eyeing us like a principal about to punish a couple of trouble-making kids. Daryl and Daryl sat at the side of the desk, barely registering the slightest look of relish on his dull face.
"So, it looks we got ourselves a little problem here. I keep hearin' stories about a lot a drugs comin' out o' this place. I'm givin' y'all two weeks to put an end to it before I let Lee know what's goin' on and y'all be lookin' for employment elsewhere."
I looked at Josh and grinned slyly. I had told him about my conversation with Lee during my week of hell with Daryl and Daryl. Poor stupid Ted.
Daryl and Daryl managed a smirk. I could only imagine his eagerness to get rid of us filthy druggies. Little did he know, he would be getting a surprise, too.
"Yeah, Ted. We'll watch that."
"Are you gettin' smart with me?"
"Not at all. I could never get smart with you."
Ted held up his index and middle fingers, "Two weeks!"
Josh and I nodded.
During the next two weeks the drug trade increased exponentially - we both made a concerted effort to sell as many drugs as possible in those fourteen days. We didn't even attempt to hide the deals from legitimate customers, laughing between ourselves knowing they would be flying into the station the next day to report the criminal activities on the night shift.
Finally, the deadline passed and I received a phone call at home. Shafto answered, "Darren, you got a phone call!" The tone in his voice made it sound like he'd been interrupted in the middle of delicate brain surgery.
I was somewhat nervous as I took the phone. Perhaps the whole thing with Lee really had been a trap. Perhaps this was the end - another interminable period of dealing with Shafto's degradations. He handed me the phone, "Lose another job, eh?"
As usual, I didn't bother to respond, "Hello?"
It was Lee. Years of abuse at the hands of Shafto had caused my self-confidence to plummet and, though intellectually I suspected the news was good, I couldn't help but be concerned. Lee explained that he had expunged Ted from the station, even going so far as to toss Ted's Aluminum Can Jew Box out into the blue dumpster outside the station. He asked if I could come in early and work with Daryl and Daryl the next few days, since Josh was still in school. I was so elated, I didn't even have to think before I answered, "Absolutely!"
"�
Needless to say, Daryl and Daryl wasn't in the best of moods. He had lost his only ally, his only friend, his beloved future father-in-law. I sat at the desk, staring blankly out the window with Daryl and Daryl until Josh arrived.
"Dude, where's Ted?"
I couldn't help but smile, "Ted is no more!"
Daryl and Daryl darted an evil eye at me, making the moment even more delicious.
"What?"
"Lee let him go. He called me in to fill in until you got here."
"Holy shit, dude!"
"Yeah!"
Daryl and Daryl grabbed the clipboard filled with orange accounting sheets and angrily stormed outside to read the pumps.
"Daryl and Daryl doesn't seem too happy, dude."
"Yeah, well, he may not get to fuck Ted anymore, but at least he still has his daughter."
Josh laughed, then paused as he considered Daryl and Daryl engaged in a sexual act with Ted's daughter, "Dude, that's sick."
Josh paused again, this time he seemed somewhat concerned - even terrified, "Daryl and Daryl isn't going to be the new manager is he?"
"No way, dude. I don't know who Lee's gonna bring in, but there's no way in fuck he's gonna let that idiot run this place."
We quickly ended our discussion of station politics as Daryl and Daryl came back inside. He didn't bother to do the books - opting to collect his green hunting coat and John Deer cap and leave without saying a word.
"See ya, Daryl!" We called after him as the door slammed shut.
It turned out to be a short shift that night. With no manager to whom the customers could report, we took every advantage offered to us. Drugs were flying out of the lanes at record rates. Not a single windshield was washed and wild tales of LSD trips long past were told next to the opened windows of old ladies.
By seven o'clock, we decided to shut down the station. We didn't even bother to move the clock hands forward. Ahhh - the freedom. We dropped four hits of blotter each and embarked on a road trip, seeing where we'd end up getting lost.
Coincidentally, we ended up at the airport. Of course, this day and age, that would be nothing short of suicide, but these were simpler times. It was around midnight and there was hardly any traffic in the terminals. We walked past a few rent-a-cops, breaking into hysterics as we passed them, and eventually sat down near the Continental gateway.
An old woman who was working at the restaurant came over and sat next to us, engaging us in conversation. She didn't seem to care that nothing we said made any sense whatsoever.
"So, what are you boys doing here at this time of night?"
We both laughed psychotically, "Uhhh. I think we're hunting green frog soup!"
She looked at me quizzically, "Never heard of that."
"Me either! But it's gotta be good!" I guffawed.
"You boys aren't on somethin' are ya?"
Josh looked around nervously, "I think we're on these chairs! Are we supposed to sit here?"
"Well, you can sit there if you want. But there's a plane comin' in. The security guards are gonna be comin' out any minute. Might be a good idea for ya to take off."
I stripped my shirt off and threw it into the air, giggling like an overjoyed retard.
"I been around the block a few times. You boys better be cool. Beeeee cooool!"
She got up and returned to the restaurant as Josh and I chuckled for no reason at all.
Minutes later, a few security guards filtered into the terminal and took their positions at the Continental gate.
Josh's eyes widened, "Oh my God, dude! Dude! Oh my God! I can't handle this! Oh my God!"
"Dude?"
Josh pointed over at the terminal. There, standing in a blue uniform, his bloated gut hanging out over his tightened belt, was Ted.
"Oh holy mother of Christ, dude! What the fuck are we doing!"
Josh and I lunged from our seats, but not fast enough for Ted to spot us, "Well, well, well. Fancy seein' you two assholes here. What'd you decide to stop by and make fun of the loser who couldn't hold a job at a gas station?"
The man who took such immense pleasure in firing innocent people from a mindless job had now found himself in yet another mindless job, chasing down his two favorite nemeses. I can only imagine the joy he felt, since he never could have done something like that back at the station. Even through the intense love with which the LSD had filled me, my hatred for him reached critical mass and exploded in a mushroom cloud of emotion.
"You know what, you can go fuck yourself, Ted. And while you're at it, why don't you shove that sickening goddamn mole up your fucking ass."
"You know I could have you two arrested!"
Our laughter at his response only angered him more. He flung open the gate and began chasing us down the hallway, yelling out to anyone who would listen to apprehend us. Fortunately, Ted could only run about forty feet before nearly collapsing from exhaustion, while Josh and I were invigorated with the rush of hallucinogenic magic.
We made our way back to the safety of my car and sped away from the airport, pitying the poor souls whose lives would be in the hands of a man who couldn't even hold a job at a gas station.
Posted by DevilMonkey at 12:38 AM